Frank & Jenny, Calcutta, India.

Good evening this is the news,

No slight intended but whenever I commence one of these bulletins to the Brind household I can only ever think of the silly events. Hey ho. Because I can't remember what went in the last communiqué I'll work backwards. We are now in Calcutta awaiting our departure on the 17th for Bangkok or Krung Thep as it is sometimes called. Calcutta-- or the Big C--is not half as bad as John Wayne claimed. In fact its quite a jolly place and heaps better than Delhi or Bombay. A particularly good place to visit from Calcutta is London but failing that you can go to St Paul's Cathedral near the corner of Jawaharhal Nehru Road and Shakespeare Saran, you know it, just a bit up from Acharya Jagdish Chandra Base Road. Anyway this fine Indo--Gothic edifice is packed with memorials to dead Brits which are frequently couched in somewhat terse language. Something like "near this stone lies Brig Montgomery Ffitch--Gore Manifold, a brilliant and generous man viciously slain by filthy heathen scum". As the Church is now run-- and run exceedingly well-- by the afore mentioned FHS such wording is a mite embarrassing. Actually Runcieballs and the flowery hat brigade would swoon with horror and drop the cucumber sarnies if they saw St Paul's. Its liberally plastered with posters that do all but confirm the date and place for barricade manning and winter palace storming. In the grounds we win a bottle of Silverkrin Shampoo at the garden fete in aid of the Jacobite--Syrian Church-- yes, we thought that was a bit odd as well.

I don't think I mentioned that our hotel in Benares was owned by a delightful chap who lived in Walthamstow for 17 years, in between fond recollections of E17 he was wont to discuss the pilgrims to the Holy river Ganges. "Bleedin ignrnt superstitious peasants" is one fond phrase that springs to mind and "a right load of bloody crooks round ere you've got to watch em all the time" yet another endearment.

We are gradually learning the pitfalls to avoid in the countries to follow. Apparently the Malaysian Govt. has an unutterable dread, loathing nay bitter hatred of the Hippy-- having encountered quite a few in India I feel their attitude is a little too liberal. Anyway they arrange periodic raids on the sort of place these people infest. If they catch you they stamp the initial letters of "suspected hippy in transit" on your passport and you have 48 hours to exit the country. Latest calculations suggest that we will be spending Xmas in Pinang so picture me carving great slices off the birds nest soup, putting silver Thai bhat in the shark fin pudding etc. All tourists look alike; yesterday our waiter at lunch asked us if we were Japanese!!! I told him that we were most certainly not. He seemed most surprised.

In Darjeeling-- a really magnificent place-- Jenn and I went for a ride on a mountain pony, this is a ludicrous form of transport and I caution you most strongly against equine transportation. In the next few weeks I shall be sending Chris a batch of interesting and amusing press cuttings. Do ask if you can have a butchers. Outside our windows there is some ghastly, monotonous drumming and wailing going on which is a bit odd because were staying at a Guest House run by the Salvation Army. One frequently hears coves bellowing "Allah Akbar" and such as well. What a country. Weve just discovered that from Bali you can sail to Komodo and go dragon stalking. Ive never stalked a dragon-- or worried a sheep for that matter-- but it sounds a jolly wheeze and we might give it a bash. Latest reports indicate that our ETA in Sydney is Feb 15.

Gosh, almost forgot, deepest commiserations (is that right?) re new addition to the fold. Do you want a Goy or a Birl? Write to us post restant in Singapore with this an any other news. You only need another point 4 of a child to qualify as a genuine statistic. How's Laura? Does she prefer Bass or Youngs? Drink a few pints for us when you get the chance.

This morning the entire Guest House was sprayed with DDT, Ive never been sprayed with DDT before. Its that kind of fascinating experience that makes foreign travel so interesting. A little man came round in the spraying frenzy gassed beds, bags, bog, floors, walls etc. with enough noxious gas to half kill we two. Oh well. Will write soon. Love to the beasts.

Love Frank & Jenn.